I've been single for far longer than I wanted to be. I've tried to ignore it by traveling, getting degrees, and basically doing anything to fill that aching void for a husband. It's so hard to be a Christian woman who isn't married but wishes she was.
So many Christian married women are unnerved by us or ignore us completely. Most of these women were married when they were fresh out of college, or found someone by accident when they weren't looking for it. Honestly, I'm glad for you. Yet when you use the tired line of "You want it too much" or "It'll happen when it happens" we single women die a little on the inside.
You don't understand.
You perhaps never had to deal with coming home to an empty apartment and deciding to fill it with animals, books, and wine. We are a strange breed. We become the desperate outcasts of the religious world.
I have of course have my flaws. I am a broken person, daily being put together by the grace of Jesus Christ. I can't attain perfection in this world. I know this, and I am lonely for someone. I know a husband won't fix my problems. I know that in all actuality a whole new batch of problems will come if I ever get married.
I would like for a minute to talk about the realization of marriage. Yes, marriage is hard. The divorce rate is hovering around 50%. I'm still struggling with the whole "you should be happy you're single thing." The bottom line is that you get to come home to someone who's committed to you and who you're committed to. You get to come home to a family, sex, and a life that is highly valued in Christian society. You get someone to be at your bedside when you're dying.
Single Christian women are not valued in society. We become babysitters, nannies, and someone you can always call on in a jam. We sit at the bar when there's a table left because there's a couple behind us.
The thing is, I love being a babysitter, nanny, and sitting at the bar. I don't like it being expected and even required of me.
Married Christian Women….take a second to value what you have. Realize that man was not made to be alone. Fix us up with people, even though it may be awkward. Don't ask us over just to babysit. Ask us over for a glass of wine or a pizza. When we cry that we are single, don't say it's not all it's cracked up to be or make us feel bad by saying all the things we need to do to make us worthy of a husband. Imagine that you are on your own, paying your own rent, without a husband or kids or a valued place at the Christian table. Don't give us platitudes.
Repeat the gospel, that we have Christ and that IS enough, but affirm our natural desire to be married. Pray for a husband for us. Be our friends, and not just your potential babysitters. Let us catch a glimpse into the beautiful mess of married life. Acknowledge how we feel, and maybe even cry with us.
